TRAINING OUR CHILDREN TO CHOOSE CHRIST-LIKE FRIENDSHIPS

  Part 2

Last month we looked into friendships of Christ and discovered what made a person a friend of Christ. If you recall,

Jesus said in John 15:14, "You are my friends if you keep on doing the things I command you to do."

This month we are going to take a look at two types of friendships in the Bible, "wise" & "foolish", and see how they

affected those involved. Before we do this though, I would like to answer three questions that I was asked regarding last

month's newsletter. (Please feel free to give me your input, I welcome it.)

1.) At what age should children be able to recognize Christ-like fruit in others?

you take a look at the book of Proverbs with your child. If you have not done a study on this book of the Bible with your

child, you need to. It is amazing! Draw their attention to the differences between "wise" & "foolish" as discussed within this

book. In chapter 1, verse 7 the last part of the verse states, "but fools despise skillful and Godly wisdom, instruction and discipline."

If their potential friends have 'no discipline' or 'respond negatively to discipline' this is not a friend that will lead others

in a positive direction. If they don't obey their parents, who else will they not obey (God, the law, teachers, ect.....)?

2.) How do we assess fruit within the framework that we are all on a spiritual journey?

previous scripture says it all. If they have no desire to learn from their mistakes and their attitude reflects this unwillingness,

they will not be a positive friendship. We will all make mistakes, but it is important that we have a desire to do right. Generally

when we realize we have made a mistake or maybe we just need to know how to grow in an area, our response will be

one that welcomes and respects the advice of those who seem to have the answer. My children don't always immediately respond

with a thankfulness that I have corrected them, but once I have disciplined them, they are not as quick to make the

same mistake again. We can look at our adult friendships in this way, also. When God disciplines us for something, aren't we

usually reminded of the consequences from the time before and more hesitant to make the same mistake again? It is very apparent

when an attitude within a person (even a Christian person) is contradictory to God's word and they really have no desire

to change it. They believe they are 'just fine' the way they are. If we let our children hang around these people to long

they will have a distorted view of Godly behavior.

3.) What about 'good people', not very far on their Christian journey and they do some things we would not

do?

their belief. If it is accepted in their home, to them it is okay. Their speech and behavior will definitely be affected. They will

probably in their play time act like characters they have seen and talk about them, also. Your child might be able to say something

like, "I don't watch that and I really don't like to hear about it, can we talk about or play something else?" If the

"potential friend" continues anyway, your child needs to separate from their influence, because to them this is not okay in the

eyes of God. I would take a look at 1 Corinthians 8:13 that says, "therefore if [my eating] food is a cause of my brother's fallingOf course we know this scripture is ultimately talking about a Christian person hindering the faith of

or of hindering [his spiritual advancement], I will not eat such flesh forever, lest I cause my brother to be tripped up and

fall and to be offended."

a weaker person. I believe that it should be our desire to not let the spiritual advancement of others as well as ourselves be

hindered. We make it a practice in our home, that if we do something ( we believe to be okay), but we have someone over to

our house (that does not believe it to be okay), we will not do it in their presence as to not offend. Often times God has revealed

things to each of us differently. As long as it does not directly go against God's word, we need to understand we are all 

on different levels at different times in our lives. For instance, we watch some Disney movies and some close friends of ours do

not. Whenever they are within our home we do not watch the movies out of respect for their beliefs.

Now, I would like to get into the two types of friendships revealed in scripture, "wise & foolish". Proverbs 13:20

states, "He who walks [as a companion] with wise men is wise, but he who associates with [self-confident] fools is [a fool himself]The King James Version says "shall be destroyed". This lets us know that the character of the

and shall smart for it."

friends our children associate with will become their character. With the wise, they will be wise and with fools they will be a

fool themselves. We need to ask ourselves the question, "What classifies a person as wise or foolish?" If we are going to help

our children choose wise friends, we must determine the characteristics of a wise person in contrast to that of a foolish person to

help them identify the difference between the two. The best place to do this is in the book of Proverbs. In the first 4 verses of the

book of Proverbs it states it's purpose was to educate young men. In ancient times collections of proverbs and wise sayings

were used for the very purpose of teaching the young. The word "young" in verse four is 'na ar' in Hebrew, meaning from infancy

to adolescent. Isn't it interesting that these things were to be taught at these ages? If we can teach our children during

these crucial ages to identify between wise and foolish relationships we have given them a strong foundation for their future

choices. It is much harder to instill these things at older ages. The saying is true, "it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks." If

we look back to verse 7 of chapter 1, we notice the first requisite for wisdom takes place. It states, "the fear of the Lord is theI find it very interesting that in the very next verse, it says,

beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction."

"my son, hear the instruction of the father and forsake not the teaching of your mother."

chain of command for gaining wisdom. The beginning of wisdom is God, then father, and then the mother. The word

"instruction"

word "moo-sawr". The word in Hebrew for "teaching", in reference to the mother is "to raw", meaning "to instruct, inform,

show, direct, teach." Isn't it interesting that the father is to be the disciplinarian and the mother is to be the teacher? The father is

responsible for enforcing that "wisdom" is taught and the mother is responsible for teaching it. Have you ever noticed children

respond better to a dad's discipline and a mother has greater success in reaching their children through their teaching? This

makes absolute sense, because this was the order that God ordained. Generally speaking there are more women teachers than

men, not because they aren't capable, but because this wasn't God's intention for them in relationship to the family.

Now, let's take a look at the characteristics of a wise man as described in the book of Proverbs. There are thirty-two of

them and they are as follows: 1) hears and increases learning (1:5)

2) attains to wise counsels (1:5)

3) speaks dark sayings (1:6)

4) inherits glory (3:35)

5) appreciates correction (9:8;17:10)

6) receives instruction (9:9; 21:11)

7) makes parents happy (10:1; 15:20)

8) provides for the future (10:5; 21:20)

9) welcomes commandments (10:8)

10) lays up knowledge (10:14)

11) controls his tongue (10:19; 29:11)

12) rules others (11:29; 17:2)

13) wins souls (11:30)

14) listens to counsel (12:15)

15) speaks health (12:18)

16) obeys parents (13:1)

17) walks with wise men (13:20)

18) stays out of trouble (14:3)

19) departs from evil (14:16)

20) appreciates and rightly uses riches (14:24)

21) receives favor (14:35)

22) uses knowledge rightly (15:2, 7)

23) seeks eternal life (15:24)

24) pacifies anger of others (16:14; 29:8)

25) learns many valuable lessons (16:23)

26) holds his peace in strife (17:28)

27) seeks knowledge (18:15)

28) rejects intoxicants (20:1)

29) puts down crime (20:26)

30) wins wars (21:22)

31) has great power and strength (24:5)

32) obeys the law (28:7)

Now that we know what makes up a wise person, let's find out what makes up a foolish person. The Bible tells us

forty-six things about the foolish and they are as follows: 1) is jealous and envious (1 Sam 26:21)

2) insensible to danger ( 2 Sam. 3:33)

3) denies God (Psalm 14:1; 53:1)

4) is ignorant of God (Psalm 92:6)

5) is ignorant of the future (Psalm 49:10)

6) is a whoremonger (Prov. 7:22)

7) chatters empty talk (Prov. 10:8, 10)

8) rejects God's commandments (Prov. 10:8)

9) utters slander (Prov. 10:18)

10) is a mischief maker (Prov. 10:23)

11) is self-conceited (Prov. 12:15)

12) proclaims foolishness (Prov. 12:23)

13) parades his own folly (Prov. 13:16)

14) quick tempered (Prove. 14:17)

15) rages and lives in sin (Prov. 14:16)

16) pours out foolishness (Prov. 15:2)

17) despises parents (Prov. 15:5)

18) is incapable of decent speech (Prov. 17:7)

19) does not profit by reproof (Prov. 17:10)

20) is insensible (Prov. 17:12)

21) is not interested in wisdom (Prov. 17:16)

22) is a shame to parents (Prov. 17:21)

23) is always dissatisfied (Prov. 17:24)

24) is contentious (Prov. 18:6)

25) has no delight in knowledge (Prov. 18:2)

26) is perverse in speech (Prov. 19:1)

27) cannot appreciate luxury and honor (Prov. 19:10:26:1, 8)

28) is a meddler (Prov. 20:3)

29) despises wisdom (Prov. 23:9)

30) is incapable of wisdom (Prov. 24:7)

31) gives foolish answers (Prov. 26:4-5)

32) is not dependable (Prov. 26:6)

33) is hopeless (Prov. 26:12)

34) is inseparable from folly (Prov. 26:11; 27:22)

35) trusts in himself (Prov. 28:26)

36) utters all he knows (Prov. 29:11)

37) is unbearable (Prov. 30:21-22)

38) walks in darkness (Eccl. 2:14)

39) destroys self (Eccl. 4:5; 10:12)

40) is light and frivolous (Eccl. 7:6)

41) acknowledges he is a fool (Eccl. 10:3)

42) is full of empty words (Eccl. 10:14)

43) has no foresight (Mt. 7:26; 25:2-8)

44) is covetous (Luke 12:20-21)

45) constantly debates non-essentials (2 Timothy 2:23)

46) is ignorant (1 Peter 2:15)

The Bible tells us in Matthew 7:20 "you will fully know them by their fruits." It is important we teach our children how to

act as a wise person and how to identify a foolish one.

Let's take a look at some of the "wise" friendships in the Bible. One of the best examples of this type of friendship

is that of David and Jonathan. Jonathan said to David in 1 Samuel 20:42, "go in peace, we have sworn friendship with eachThe Lord was the very center of their friendships. We see Jonathan and David met the first qualification for being

other in the name of the Lord saying, 'the Lord is between you and me' and between your descendants and my descendants

forever."

wise. (They had the fear of the Lord) You might be saying, "now I know Jonathan was wise, but one of the characteristics

of a wise man is to be obedient to his parent?" First of all parents should never expect their child to follow them in sin (in

Jonathan's case, this would be a witness to murder). Jonathan had a choice to make. Would he fear his father or the Lord

more? As we have seen, God has to be first and Jonathan knew this. He protected his friend at the risk of his own life.

In 1 Samuel 18:1 it says, "Jonathan became one in spirit with David and he loved him as himself." Love was the foundation

for his friendship. John 15:13 is where Jesus describes this type of love when He says, "no one has greater love [noWe understand that Jesus was

one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends."

talking about the love He has for us in this verse. Since we are called to be like Him we know that we are to put ourselves

second to that of our friends, just as Jonathan did. Romans 12:10 verifies this stating, "be devoted to one another in brotherlyDo your child's 'potential friends' care more about what they want than

love. Honor one another above yourselves."

what your child wants? Do they always have to have it their way or no way? To understand this type of love we look to it's

definition in 1 Cor. 13:4-8. Love endures, it is patient, kind, not envious, not jealous, not boastful, not haughty, not conceited,

not rude, does not act unbecomingly and does not insist on it's own way, it is not touchy, resentful, does not hold a

grudge, does not rejoice in wrong doing, it hopes, endures, believes, and does not fail or fall out. "True love is [true affection1 Cor. 13:13 Love is the basis for a Christ-like friendship!

There are several more examples of wise friendships found within the Bible. Next month we will take a look at

these as well as begin talking about some of the foolish friendships.

I encourage you to study the book of Proverbs with your children if you have not already done so. It will be a great

teaching tool for you in studying friendships.

Dear Lord,

I pray that you grant us wisdom as we study your word in a desire to raise our children to be spiritual

warriors who build your kingdom. Gives us knowledge beyond our own understanding and help us to impart it

unto our children in a way in which they will understand it and receive it

wise friendships that will glorify you. Thank you Lord for your word on which we are victorious through all things.

In Jesus name, Amen

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